How would you feel if your partner wanted to donate his sperm?

  1.  Yvonne Infertility

    Hello! I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 28… We’ve been together for a long time now and have plans to marry, have babies and all that stuff, but we are kinda broke because he’s looking for a job now but still no luck. He’s proposed already, but we’re waiting until we are in a situation of stability and then start building our family. The thing is he has plans to donate his sperm because that’s a way to get money, but I’m iffy on whether I’ll feel comfortable with the idea of a human being out there whose biological father is my fiancé

    February 3, 2016 at 8:02 am
    #8438 Reply
  2. Sandra F. Sandra F.
    inviTRA's Moderator

    Hello Yvonne,

    I see your point, but think that sperm donation can be anonymous. Although the anonymity or identity disclosure of the donor depends on the country, the truth is anonymous sperm donors can be found worldwide.

    My advice is that, firstly, you talk seriously to your boyfriend about this issue and share your concerns with him. You could reach an agreement by choosing anonymous sperm donation, for instance. Take into account that you won’t know anything about the donor-conceived individual, and he won’t have even the slightest relationship with the child.

    On the other hand, you should see this process as a way through which you are helping others build a family, one of the most wonderful stages in life. Keep in mind that maybe some day you are experiencing this overwhelming experience, while others are going through trouble conceiving on their path to parenthood. In other words, you are helping others create a family. Some women who have the same point of view as you, admit having seen it from a different perspective once they’ve been on motherhood, because then they know how satisfying the experience can turn out to be.

    However, if you think this may damage your relationship, perhaps the best thing for you to do would be weighting up the pros and cons of sperm donation and try to embrace it from various points of view or, conversely, refuse this option. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are helping others build a family above all.

    I hope I have been able to help,

    Best wishes

    February 10, 2016 at 3:32 pm
    #8440 Reply
  3. Thanks for creating this thread, Yvonne! In the aftermath of reading this discussion, I’ve discussed this with my husband, and my conclusion is that as a general rule I wouldn’t be comfortable at all with him donating his sperm… The reason for this is that I feel that’s somehow “mine”, you know? And as I feel this, I think his offspring should be ours, that is, his and mine. I would feel as if he’s divorced from another woman in the past and now he’s with me, you know? With the difference that I’ll never meet the children, but technically it’s the same for me… It’s like if I were to lose some rights over my husband because of this, as if were to care less for me if he did so…

    On the other hand, I put myself in the shoes of a family needing donor sperm and can see how hard it can be. I would definitely embrace using donor sperm in case my husband was infertile because I’ve no doubt I want children. The problem here is that my husband wouldn’t allow me to use the sperm of another man hahahaha because it would mean he is not passing his “baby” his genetic code.

    In conclusion, I think this is a question of just raising children. We, the whole society, shouldn’t care about genetics, because that’s something related to religion, in fact. We’ve always been told that children must be born from a married couple, but why? To preserve the blood lineage? That’s too old-fashioned. But that’s only my opinion, I would like to read yours too.

    February 12, 2016 at 3:58 pm
    #8441 Reply