Lesbian couple thinking about undergoing IVF

Hey! We are Martha and Selena, and we are from Boston, Massachusetts, US… We’ve been together since 2010 and now we are thinking of becoming mothers! We think the time has now come!

We’ve read a lot about fertility treatments, assisted reproductive technology, experiences of lesbian couples worldwide, etc. and we think the option that best fits our needs is IVF. We’ve heard about the so-called ROPA method, CLOTHING or whatever you want to call it.

The thing is we’d like to use my partner’s eggs and donor sperm and then put the embryo back into me. The aim is having her baby as such… We are aware it is a long process and stuff, but we are determined to do so. These are our questions:

1. Can anyone tell us about the process?
2. Where should we go?
3. Is there any lesbians that have undergone reciprocal IVF here? If so, we’d love to hear your own experience.

Thank you very much.

Dear Martha and Selena,

First of all, before deciding whose eggs will be used for reciprocal IVF or ROPA method, you should undergo a series of fertility analysis. Although it depends on each couple, the most common is that it is the youngest who delivers her eggs, especially if there’s a big age difference.

Among such fertility analysis, you will be performed a hormone analysis, in which each member of the couple’s ovarian reserve will be determined; this is directly linked to egg quality. Returning to the subject of age, ovarian reserve starts diminishing from age 35 onwards.

Who will be the one carrying the embryo is a matter of importance as well, since uterine diseases such as uterine fibroids or polyps may cause problems during pregnancy. These pathologies can be ruled out by means of an ultrasound, which allows uterine anatomy to be examined.

As for the sperm donor, you have to resort to a sperm donor bank and, according to US legislation, you can choose between anonymous, semi-known or known donation. You can get further information about it in the following articles:

– https://www.invitra.com/en/regulations-governing-egg-and-sperm-donation-in-the-usa/
– https://www.invitra.com/en/donor-sperm-ivf-in-the-usa/

It should be clear that every sperm donor must undergo a series of medical tests and psychological assessments before becoming a donor (semen analysis, psychological tests, blood and genetic tests, etc.).

Hope everything is fine!

Hi Martha and Selena! Nice to meet you!

We’re a lesbian couple doing reciprocal IVF so I think I can help you a little bit… Let’s see… I’m using my own eggs, not my partner’s (I’m the youngest, although the age gap is just 3 years, but anyway we’re planning to have more children in the future and she will have her turn then!). I don’t know at which stage are you now, but you definitely have to get started, it’s the only way.

As for my beginning, it took me more than 3 years to get to my first stimulation cycle and I had to look for a donor. Then we waited more than 1 year so that everything with the donor was cleared, and then I was inseminated but my chances of getting pregnant were below 20% so finally we had no luck at all as expected. I was considered infertile then, so we have no choice but to resort to donor-sperm IVF, which is a long process but there is no alternative. We keep on waiting for our BFP!

Wishing you all the best.

Dear fellow lesbians! In our case, we were lucky enough to conceive our baby (now a healthy, happy child) thanks to AI (IUI in particular). But till the journey to conceive wasn’t easy at all… In fact, we did 3 tries with no success, and I even had a miscarriage, so we had to give up on donor insemination 🙁 🙁 We moved then to IVF, and we used my own eggs just because it was easier… I’ve heard many lesbian couples prefer to use both donor eggs and sperm, but I actually don’t understand why when they can choose between hers or her partner’s, but it’s up to you I guess. Now we underwent IVF again and guess what! We have triplets this time, so we’ll become a large family now. Hope every lesbian couple starting IVF here is able to hold their little BB in their arms in no time 😀 See you soon!