Unsupportive partner during IVF

  1. Hailey R.
    Hailey R.

    Hello guys!
    I’ve just received the news that my IVF-ICSI cycle has failed and I cannot feel more isolated.
    My husband is not being supportive with me at this moment at all, and I need his support more than ever.
    He refuses to talk with me about it, and I can’t share my thoughts or feelings – he becomes so angry.
    To top it all, he’s just told me that I ruined the weekend just because I’m feeling depressed after getting a BFN, that I should’ve done it on Monday…
    I’m feeling very depressed and I’ve no one to vent my sorrows with. He doesn’t even want me to tell anyone for god’s shake!
    He wants to keep this a secret…
    Instead of supporting me and being by my side, he becomes angry when he sees me sad…
    What do you guys think I should do? I don’t know how to react, or how to feel, I don’t even know what’s right or wrong… Should I give IVF another try?
    Thank you guys!

    10/20/2017 at 2:29 pm
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  2. I’m very sorry to hear that HAILEY… this journey is not only yours, I don’t understand why he’s reacting like that. Sometimes men react this way when they are broken inside because that’s the only way the know to disguise their feelings when they are actually feeling very sad. I think your partner wants more than anybody that IVF works for you, but that’s his way of reacting. I’m not saying that I approve that, but that I can understand in some way. I’d say that you try to talk to him, understand how he’s feeling and make him see that you need his support more than ever, maybe you can find a way 🙂

    10/22/2017 at 2:23 pm
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    • I know a friend whose marriage was ruined because of IVF. Sometimes the desire to have a baby is stronger than anything and you do not realize that it is actually ruining your life… Bringing a child into this world under those circumstances is a big mistake from by point of view… I’m very sorry for you guys! Hope you can solve it eventually

      10/24/2017 at 6:50 pm
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  3. I can’t say for sure ivf ruined my relationship with ex husband. Still it might have been that very point leaving us both powerless and miserable with the outcomes. Together we passed 2 ivf cycles with own egg. Low sperm quality – his issue, right ovary never responded to treatments – mine. It definitely knocked us both out of normal life we led before. Which was strange and scarrying. Seems we got tired even before the actual begining of the procedures.. He was supportive but not that much needed, you know, can’t even explain this properly. I felt alone with my grief though having supportive dh by side..

    05/29/2018 at 2:22 pm
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  4. OMG, I’m so sorry to hear this. This must be double difficult to struggle when having an unsupportive partner by side..I can hardly imagine if dh behaved similarly. We didn’t tell much people about our journey at the beginning too. but this was our mutual decision. we both didn’t want friends and colleagues at work to know much about the troubles we were facing. I was truly afraid of being sympathized or sth. That’s a real nightmare to pass. so we didn’t want more “supportive” replies, like “you’ve still got a plenty of time”, “relax, it will happen”, or “friend of my friend conceived after 10 yrs of ttc!”, etc. ’cause we didn’t want to wait for 10 yrs unless it happens. We wanted to love and to live and to be happy right then, not some other time in future. This led us to fertility treatments after 1+yrs of ttc. You know, a fertility expert always wants you to actively ttc for a year (if you’re under 35) to get you into more investigations and then the treatment plan. We passed 7 rounds of IVF shots with both own and donor egg. We used donor eggs, put back 2 A grade blasties – one survived. This is definitely a long and demanding way, but it’s so much worthy!!

    12/13/2018 at 10:48 am
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  5. Having unsupportive partner/dh when undergoing treatments is definitely heart breaking. Going through IVF is a huge emotional, physical and financial burden. I know all those things are already known to you, brave worriors here, but this all is another attempt to say how hard this journey is when there’s no support between two.
    When choosing an IVF clinic, one should keep in mind that a clinic’s success rate depends on many factors. such as patients’ ages and medical issues. as well as the clinic’s treatment population and treatment approaches. One should ask for detailed information about the costs associated with each step of the procedure. Before beginning a cycle of IVF using your own eggs and sperm, a couple will likely need various screenings, including: Ovarian reserve testing. To determine the quantity and quality of your eggs, a doctor might test the concentration FSH, estrogen and antimullerian hormone in blood during the first few days of your menstrual cycle. Test results, often used together with an ultrasound of the ovaries, can help predict how ovaries will respond to fertility medication. Semen analysis. If not done as part of initial fertility evaluation, the doctor will conduct a semen analysis shortly before the start of an IVF treatment cycle. Infectious disease screening. A couple will both be screened for infectious diseases, including HIV. Practice (mock) embryo transfer. Doctor might conduct a mock embryo transfer to determine the depth of uterine cavity and the technique most likely to successfully place the embryos into uterus. Uterine cavity exam. Doctor will examine uterine cavity before the start IVF.
    I really want to believe that your partner’s attitude towards IVF burden will change and he’ll understand what strength you’re going through and will give you all necessary support. Stay strong!

    01/16/2019 at 9:44 am
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