By Cristina Mestre Ferrer BSc, MSc (embryologist).
Last Update: 05/25/2015

If you are one of that women who have been trying to achieve pregnancy for a long time, these situations may sound familiar to you: blood tests, invasive testing, or endless visits to the doctor. In the meantime, you wonder whether there is something you can do better, such as trying that traditional home remedy that you were once recommended.

However, there is a crucial detail that you may have forgotten, a very important one indeed. But before I reveal the secret, let me tell you why do we forget about that one thing.

When you make up your mind about dealing with infertility, you get to a journey in which the following message repeats itself over and over again: “something is wrong with me”. If the cause is not found, it can get even worse: “something of unknown origin is wrong with me, so it may have no solution”. Even if it is male infertility, the woman’s body is the one taking the medication and being invaded.

The switch-off time

These factors usually lead to forget about ourselves both physically and emotionally. We see our body as an engine that does not work in the very moment in which we need it. How does this switch-off time happen? Which are its symptoms? We mention some situations leading to this switch-off so that you are able to find it out:

  • When you do not let your body rest and recover from exercise long enough.
  • When you don’t pamper yourself or take care of your body with stuff you like: a massage, cooking gently your favorite dish, or going for a walk.
  • When you follow the usual pace of activity as if everything was fine.
  • When you try to hide your condition instead of trying to face it.
  • When you don’t stop for a minute and try to meditate and think over your own issues.
  • When you punish yourself because of having no immediate solution.

And now, which is that crucial detail?

During the trying-to-get-pregnant journey, we imagine ourselves giving love to our child, taking care of him, and being as tender as never before. However, during this journey we forget about ourselves, about giving love to ourselves too, precisely now that we actually need it. All in all, we forget to take care of ourselves the same way we would treat our baby.

Falling in love with ourselves starts by showing gratitude to our body, since we are in the stage we are today thanks to it. Therefore, we should appreciate it for how it is: beautiful, imperfect, and brave. It is like if our body was a horse galloping from one side to the other under our control and we expected it to move more quickly. A good jockey gets down from his horse sometimes, caress it, calms it down, acknowledges its efforts, and takes care of it, because he knows it is his most valuable possession and together they can achieve much more.

Another aspect that makes us feel good and is very often forgotten—especially when you are trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully—is our partner’s love. Feeling loved by our partner and returning that love to him makes you feel good. It is not only important not to forget about yourself, but also about your partner. Trying to conceive is a two-way thing, so making the person you love feel good improves your state of mind.

Authors and contributors

 Cristina Mestre Ferrer
BSc, MSc
Embryologist
Bachelor's Degree in Biological Sciences, Genetics & Human Reproduction from the University of Valencia (UV). Master's Degree in Biotechnology of Human Assisted Reproduction from the UV and the Valencian Infertility Institute (IVI). Embryologist at IVI Barcelona. More information

One comment

    1. Chris

      Let me tell you about my own story so that you don’t make the same mistake. I became obsessed with pregnancy until I felt so miserable about being unable to achieve it. I kept on punishing myself. After resorting to psychological support, I acknowledged that taking care of myself was a must and, once I felt better, I could slowly become pregnant one day.

      So, this is a message to every woman who is trying to become pregnant unsuccessfully: don’t punish yourselves, it’s nobody’s fault but nature. If you fight vigorously but with no obsession, I guarantee you will achieve it one day. Resorting to professional help is very important.