When a heterosexual couple goes to an assisted reproduction clinic, the fact is that most of the fertility treatment involves the woman. It is she who will generally undergo a greater number of tests, who will receive hormonal medication and even who will undergo surgery if the indicated treatment is in vitro fertilization (IVF).
This has meant that the role of men has often been overshadowed. However, fertility treatments should be understood as a couple's treatment to try to fulfill a common project: to have a baby.
In the following video, embryologist Silvia Azaña explains how men cope with fertility treatment and what can they do to get more involved. However, you can then explore the topic in greater detail by reading the article.
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How does a man cope with fertility treatment?
Faced with a diagnosis of infertility in the couple, whatever the cause, the man also experiences a mixture of emotions that can be difficult to manage. Frustration, anger, uncertainty, anxiety... Even their self-esteem may be affected, as fertility is often mistakenly associated with virility.
However, men tend to be more introverted in the face of assisted reproduction treatment. Generally, they have less need to talk openly about their feelings, but they also adopt this posture to try not to worry their partner. In addition, they feel the pressure that they seem to always be expected to stay strong.
All of this leads to the man avoiding talking about anything related to fertility treatment. However, this coping strategy can create misunderstandings, as the woman may interpret it as her partner being disengaged or having doubts about parenthood. This does not have to be the case and the man probably wants a baby as much as she does. They are simply different ways of dealing with it. Thus, it is very important to understand that each member of the couple may go through this situation differently.
For this reason, and to avoid friction and misunderstandings, there must be good communication between the two, always based on respect.
What can men do to become more involved?
The woman requires a great deal of the attention when the couple attends a fertility clinic. In general, she will undergo further tests. She will also be the one who will have to administer hormone medication, attend more controls and analytical tests, and even undergo surgery if the reproductive treatment requires it.
However, during an assisted reproduction treatment, it is important that both members of the couple feel involved in the process, since it is a common project. This is especially important when donor sperm treatment is to be performed, as the male may feel even more displaced.
In this sense, so that both feel involved in the process, recommendations such as the following can be followed:
- Go through all phases of the treatment together, as far as possible: attend all visits and check-ups as a couple, help the woman to take her hormone medication, see the results of the pregnancy test together...
- Taking care of the couple's relationship. It is important to be together in each step of the treatment, but also to do things that distract to avoid having your head always on the same thing. It is important for the couple to keep doing the things they enjoy most.
- Make important decisions together. To have a respectful conversation, maintain a fluid conversation with the partner and reach an agreement between the two of you. Also talk about the emotions generated by everything related to reproductive treatment, in order to understand the other and avoid misunderstandings.
- Being present, hugging, having details... so that the partner notices the support.
- Couples should seek psychological consultation, if deemed necessary, as many fertility clinics now offer this service. In this way, both will be able to learn strategies to emotionally manage the situation.
In this way, the well-being of the couple is increased and the relationship may even be strengthened, as both of them feel involved in the search for their baby.
FAQs from users
Can men attend psychological therapy during fertility treatment?
Going through assisted reproduction treatment is hard and complicated for the couple. Many different emotions arise that can be difficult to manage. Furthermore, each member of the couple may deal with the situation differently.
This situation can result in misinterpretations and conflicts, making the assistance of a specialist to help manage it extremely valuable.
For this specific reason, many assisted reproduction clinics now offer specialized psychological support services that both partners can attend.
Read more
How do men face fertility treatment?
Silvia Azaña, an embryologist at inviTRA, tells us in this video how men usually approach reproductive treatment:
Following an infertility diagnosis for a heterosexual couple, regardless of the underlying cause, the man also goes through a complex range of emotions that might be challenging to handle. Frustration, rage, uncertainty, anxiety... Even their self-esteem can be negatively impacted because fertility has been erroneously associated with a man's sense of virility.
Nevertheless, the man tends to be more introverted when undergoing assisted reproduction treatment. They generally feel less need to talk openly about their feelings, but they also frequently adopt this guarded stance in a conscious effort to try not to worry their partner. Additionally, they feel pressured by the expectation that they must always appear strong.
All of these factors lead to the man avoiding talking about anything related to fertility treatment. However, this coping strategy can create significant misunderstandings. His partner may see this as him disengaging from the process or having second thoughts about becoming a father. This doesn't have to be this way, and the man surely wants to have a baby as much as she does. These are simply different ways of dealing with it. In this way, it is very important to understand that possibly each member of the couple goes through this situation differently.
Therefore, to avoid friction and misunderstandings, there must be good communication between both and always with respect.
What can men do to get more involved in assisted reproduction treatment?
Silvia Azaña, embryologist at inviTRA, tells us in this video what men can do to get more involved in assisted reproduction treatment:
The female partner demands a significant portion of the focus when the couple visits a fertility clinic. In general, she will undergo further testing. Furthermore, she will also be the one who has to administer the hormone medication, attend more medical checkups and tests, and even undergo surgery if the reproductive treatment requires it.
However, during an assisted reproduction treatment, it is important that both members of the couple feel involved in every single step of the process, since it is a shared project. This is particularly crucial when planning to undergo a fertility treatment involving donor sperm, as the male partner might feel even more displaced.
In this regard, to ensure that both parties feel involved in the process, recommendations such as the following can be followed:
- Go through all stages of the treatment together, as far as possible: attend all appointments and checkups as a couple, assist the woman with administering the hormone medication, also look at the pregnancy test results together...
- Taking care of your relationship. It's important to be together at every step of the treatment, but also to do things that distract you so that you don't always have your mind on the same thing. It's important that the couple keeps doing the things that bring them the most enjoyment.
- Make the important decisions together. To converse with mutual respect, maintain a fluid conversation with your partner and reach a decision between the two of you. Talk honestly about all the emotions that reproductive treatment generates in order to understand each other and avoid misunderstandings.
- Be present, hug each other, have details... so that the partner feels supported.
- Attend specialized couples psychological counseling if it is considered necessary, as many fertility clinics currently provide this service. By doing this, both of you will be able to learn strategies to manage the situation emotionally.
This increases the couple's well-being. The relationship can even emerge strengthened from having both felt like participants in the search for their baby.
Suggested for you
Fertility problems can sometimes cause some conflict and friction within the couple. If you want to read some recommendations to prevent this from happening, you can access the following link: How to prevent infertility from causing problems in the couple?
On the other hand, sexual relations can also be affected when there are fertility problems. In this article you can read more information: Why can love and sex be affected in infertility?
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References
Gameiro S, Boivin J, Dancet E, de Klerk C, Emery M, Lewis-Jones C, Thorn P, Van den Broeck U, Venetis C, Verhaak CM, Wischmann T, Vermeulen N. ESHRE guideline: routine psychosocial care in infertility and medically assisted reproduction-a guide for fertility staff. Hum Reprod. 2015 Nov;30(11):2476-85. doi: 10.1093/humrep/dev177. Epub 2015 Sep 7. PMID: 26345684. (View)
Paraskevi L, Antigoni S, Kleanthi G. Stress and Anxiety Levels in Couples who Undergo Fertility Treatment: a Review of Systematic Reviews. Mater Sociomed. 2021 Mar;33(1):60-64. doi: 10.5455/msm.2021.33.60-64. PMID: 34012353; PMCID: PMC8116083. (View)
Sater AC, Miyague AH, Schuffner A, Nisihara R, Teixeira DM. Impact of assisted reproduction treatment on sexual function of patients diagnosed with infertility. Arch Gynecol Obstet. 2022 Jun;305(6):1595-1604. doi: 10.1007/s00404-021-06367-2. Epub 2022 Jan 23. PMID: 35066622. (View)
Stanhiser J, Steiner AZ. Psychosocial Aspects of Fertility and Assisted Reproductive Technology. Obstet Gynecol Clin North Am. 2018 Sep;45(3):563-574. doi: 10.1016/j.ogc.2018.04.006. PMID: 30092929. (View)
FAQs from users: 'Can men attend psychological therapy during fertility treatment?', 'How do men face fertility treatment?' and 'What can men do to get more involved in assisted reproduction treatment?'.
In my case, it was my husband who administered the medication to me. That made me feel way more relaxed because I felt I actually had his support. I find it very important, since it is us the women and not men who have to take medication for being able to undergo the ovarian drilling. This was our way to “suffer” together during this process. My recommendation is as follows: don’t do this by yourselves, it is really helpful to have someone by your side during an IVF.