What to do when a friend tells you that she is pregnant

By (embryologist) and (fertility counselor).
Last Update: 12/18/2014

Infertility is a traumatic and complex situation. Only people with problems to conceive are able to understand what it means physically, economically, psychologically and socially. To the stress of not being able to have your child must be added the feeling of guilt due to sterility, the thought “my body doesn’t work properly”, the anxiety of having to face the expensive treatments and the pressure exerted by family and friends who, without meaning it, may increase the emotional burden.


If you have been a while trying to get pregnant without achieving it, you may get this piece of news from a friend: <>

Which feelings could you experience?

In that moment you may feel a mix of very intense sensations and thoughts. Firstly, you feel joy: <>. She is your friend; you love her and wish her all the best, since you know better than anyone the happiness a baby can bring. But automatically you think, “Why not me? I’m sure that I’ve looking more forward to it”.Then, you feel guilty because you thought you deserved it more and because you felt envy. In these cases, feeling confused and not knowing how to react is common.

Her reaction

If your friend knows that you’ve been a while trying to get pregnant, it may be difficult for her to tell you and to talk to you about this. If you are close friends, talking in an intimate and quiet place would be the best, just in case you get emotional.

You must be truthful to each other: if you feel that your anxiety increases when she’s talking to you about her pregnancy, tell her without feeling remorse. You can talk about many other things that aren’t pregnancy and babies. On the contrary, if you feel that it helps you and motivates you to reach your goal, say it openly to her. The most important is to express the feelings, so that there are no misunderstandings and regrets.

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 Cristina Mestre Ferrer
Cristina Mestre Ferrer
B.Sc., M.Sc.
Bachelor's Degree in Biological Sciences, Genetics & Human Reproduction from the University of Valencia (UV). Master's Degree in Biotechnology of Human Assisted Reproduction from the UV and the Valencian Infertility Institute (IVI). Embryologist at IVI Barcelona. More information about Cristina Mestre Ferrer
Adapted into english by:
 Sandra Fernández
Sandra Fernández
B.A., M.A.
Fertility Counselor
Bachelor of Arts in Translation and Interpreting (English, Spanish, Catalan, German) from the University of Valencia (UV) and Heriot-Watt University, Riccarton Campus (Edinburgh, UK). Postgraduate Course in Legal Translation from the University of Valencia. Specialist in Medical Translation, with several years of experience in the field of Assisted Reproduction. More information about Sandra Fernández

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